I went to work sketching out my vision, integrating the features of each picture and making it my own. In a couple of hours I was finally finished with stage one and I really did need to eat, use the bathroom and get something to drink. My throat was dry from all of my thoughtful and slow breathing, usually from my mouth despite the hazards that this presents. Its ok, I’ve gotten enough done now that I can cut myself some slack, stretch out a little rest my eyes and fill my tummy. Besides, this book really isn’t about my painting career either, although that too is a big part of who I am. If my relationship with my mother explains why I’m nearly insane, my painting explains why I’m not. Sure, as an artist I’m a little loopy as a rule. Sure I hop around to my oldies records like a six year old on a sugar high, sure it’s my craziness that fuels my need to paint- but it’s the actual act of painting that keeps me sane. It’s a paradox for sure. But painting is my meditation. I don’t know. As usual, I wasn’t wearing a bra and she seized my nipples between thumbs and fingers and pinched them hard. I screwed my eyes shut and clamped my mouth closed, trying not to utter a sound but when her fingernails joined in, my mouth opened and a groan of pleasure escaped. I’d forgotten how much I enjoyed pain as part of sex and quite how much I’d missed it over the past few months.Eventually, the pinching made way for several hard slaps. Left, right, left, right. The first few from side to side and then from top to bottom. My trapped hands yearned to reach up and protect my tender breasts, but I was helpless. Finally, she stopped and sat back to admire her work. I opened my eyes and looked down. My boobs were red and the skin tingled, but my nipples were like little rock-hard pebbles and stood proudly pointing up to her.“Well done, little tart,” she said, and I reveled in her praise, “Now, let’s have a good look at the rest of you.”With that, she rolled off me and stood up. I took.
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